By: Tonya Douglas, Clinical Director, Center Point
The holidays always elicit a variety of emotions. For some, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. For others…not so much. From loneliness to additional stress to grief and loss, the holidays can deepen mental health challenges and make the final months of the year a dreaded time for many. As year-end holidays approach, there are several ways to help ease the mental health strain of the holidays.
Make Space for your Feelings
It’s important to acknowledge your feelings and know that they are valid. You are allowed to have feelings of overwhelm and sadness. The holidays carry the weight of expectations and past losses, even as they promote joy and celebration. You can hold both of these things–it doesn’t have to be either/or. The holidays are a “both/and” time, and telling yourself that you are allowed to feel your feelings can help you find peace. If you’re having trouble naming how you’re feeling, an emotions checklist can help. It’s also important to remind yourself that you are not your feelings and that emotions are temporary. You are not “less than” because you are feeling what you are. You’re just a human walking through the world, and there is nothing wrong with you because of it.
Talk to Someone
It can be hard to reach out when you are feeling low or stressed. But maintaining connection is the best way to move into a healthy emotional space. Text or call a friend. Invite a trusted family member on a walk. Schedule a meet-up with a mentor at a park. Talk to them about how you’re feeling. Give voice to your emotions (see above!). These connections don’t have to cost a thing and can make you feel less alone and more affirmed.
If you feel like you need to talk to a professional about how you’re feeling, contact your doctor or reach out to a therapist on a resource like Headway, which keeps a current list of therapists in your area who take insurance. And, you can always call 988, if you or someone you know is dealing with a mental health crisis. You’ll be connected to a live resource immediately.
Serve Others
Sometimes the greatest gift we can give during the holidays is an act of service. These moments of service in community can remind us that we have purpose beyond our temporary emotions and that we have the capacity to create some good in the world. Find a volunteer opportunity that fits your needs, values, and schedule. Maybe you love animals and want to walk dogs at your local humane society. Maybe you have the gift of music and can play piano at the local retirement community. Maybe you love writing letters and can send cards to those people who you know may be feeling lonely. It’s always a good time to share light with those around you.
Create Healthy Boundaries
Sometimes our emotions are a reaction to us feeling overextended. Some people act as the organizers of their family gatherings or the managers of their family logistics. All that mental work can be exhausting on top of everything else in a person’s life. Plus, the holidays are never lacking in one more party, event, or commitment. Learning to honor your needs during this time can save you a ton of heartache and stress. Saying “no” can be a life-saver if you need to protect your mental health and create space to rest. It doesn’t make you a bad person to protect your time and energy and prevent burnout this holiday season. Reflect on if saying “yes” will make you feel burdened or resentful. If so, then “no” is a complete sentence and can be said with kindness and grace–towards those issuing the invite and towards yourself. As the opportunities to engage during the next couple of months start to pop up, look at your calendar and determine how many events will be the tipping point to your peace, and then be selective in where and when you commit. Having a plan in place prior to the start of the busyness of the season will preempt any spur-of-the-moment decision making and create more non-negotiables with your time.
Maintain Healthy Habits
The holidays provide many opportunities to step outside the everyday and embrace moments of togetherness and joy. However, the holidays can also prove challenging to our routines and things like our diet, sleep habits, and interactions. As much as it’s possible, try to maintain doing the things you typically do in every other month of the year and don’t step outside the boundaries of what your body is accustomed to. One day of going outside your normal diet may not stress your body too much, but a full week may send your body, and your emotions, into full-blown crisis-response mode. To eliminate mental strain caused by these changes in routine, try to stick as closely as possible to the routine your body knows. If you wake up to exercise every day, try to stick to a schedule during the holidays. If you don’t typically indulge in rich foods or sweets, try to limit how much you do end up consuming each day during the festive season. Our mental health is deeply connected to our physical health, and the way we nourish our bodies can affect the way we think or feel, especially over the holiday months.
It’s Never too Late to Find Peace
It’s possible that the holiday season has always been a time of stress for you. Now is a good opportunity to hold space for that feeling and allow it to be a time of peace and reflection. Whether you thrive on the stimulation of the festivities or crave the stillness of a silent night, planning for what you need most over the next few months can begin now. Maybe you could write down what you hope for this season and how you want to protect your mental health. Go ahead and have some of these options in place prior to the start of the festivities so you won’t be panicked trying to find something that works for you when the time comes.
Remember, there is no shame in reaching out. There is nothing wrong with saying you need help. There is peace waiting for you in the space where your boundaries and needs intersect. This holiday season, may you have what you need.