By Rev. Chris Jennings, Director of Spiritual Care, Northeast Georgia Health System
While the holiday season can be a time for joy, fun, food, lights and treats, it can also be a time of sadness. Just this month my father had to place my mom, his wife of 52 years, in a nursing home because she has dementia. My father faithfully cared for her for many years, but it just became too much. He feels a lot of guilt. While he faithfully visits my mom each day and spends time with her to support her, this will be the first time that my mom is not home for the holidays. It’s not the way it was supposed to be.
This can be a difficult time of year for many. Maybe you have lost a loved one, had a pregnancy cut short, or simply this year didn’t go the way you wanted it to. When that happens, we deal with many difficult emotions: sadness, grief, loss. Know that you are not alone.
Being Honest with Ourselves and Others
When facing grief and sadness, it’s important to be honest with yourself about your own feelings. It’s okay to be sad. Even better than being honest with yourself is finding others you can rely on and share what is going on with you in this difficult time of year. The day my father placed my mother in a nursing home, he asked me, “Is it okay if I call you more often?” I told him, “Of course. I’m here for you.” Whether we are going through happy times or sadness, sharing our feelings and what is going on with us can be a great way to cope with our struggles. All of us have a need to belong – whether it be to family or friends – and reaching out to those we care about and who care about us can be life-giving.
Connecting with Hope
Hope is often found in what gives us meaning and purpose. It could be our families, our friends, our work, a treasured hobby. My father has made a point to take my mom to church each week after being in the nursing home. It gets her out and enables her to reconnect with people who care about her. Likewise, in times of sadness, it is important for us to reconnect with hope. It is important to be honest and acknowledge your feelings of grief or sadness but equally as important to not let yourself stay there. Practicing gratefulness is another great way to deal with times of sadness. Finding things, people and moments to be grateful for, even in times of despair, allows you to reframe your situation and maintain perspective. A simple way to do this is to find a piece of paper and write down the things that you are grateful for. Write them down one by one. Maybe it is your spouse, your children, a trusted friend. Your work, your favorite hobby. Remembering what you are grateful for and the things in your life that give you meaning and purpose can lift your spirits, even in the midst of a less-than-ideal reality.
Serving Others
The best way for us to deal with our own struggles is to help others. If you don’t make it a regular practice to serve those in need, this is a great time of year to start. Whether it be volunteering at a food bank, serving a meal to those less fortunate, or volunteering at your local hospital, serving others is life-giving, helps us connect with others, and can be a real source of meaning in our lives. Serving others can re-connect us with purpose and lift our spirits.
My prayer for you this holiday season is that even if it’s not the way it was supposed to be, that you can share what is going on with you with those you trust, re-connect with hope and find time to serve others this holiday season.